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THE INSIDE CONNECTION: Keeping you focused on what's most important.
A free newsletter from Kesslin Associates
http://www.kesslin.com
mailto:insideconnection@kesslin.com
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ISSUE NO. 2 - DECEMBER 2001
In this issue...
1) Welcome
2) Inside The Inside Connection
3) Feature: A Thanksgiving Attitude for the Entire Year
4) Action Tips
5) Related Resources
Subscription, unsubscribe and copyright information can be found at
the end of each issue.
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1) Welcome
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Thank you for joining us to explore The Inside Connection. We want
to encourage, challenge, and support you to explore your full
potential. We believe that success comes most directly when you look
inside yourself first, before seeking change from other people or
the things around you. If you enjoy our e-zine, please forward it to
colleagues, friends and family who might benefit.
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2) Inside The Inside Connection
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"Glimpse the meaning of the world in a grain of sand."
This challenging statement is a Zen practice designed to help us
look deep within and see the whole within something as tiny as a
grain of sand.
Holograms are a great representation of this concept. A hologram is
a sheet of film that's able to show you a 3-D image projected into
space. What's even more amazing than seeing the image is knowing
that any piece of that sheet of film is able to produce the same 3-D
image. The only difference between the image produced from the
entire sheet versus a small fragment is the clarity of the image.
Important concepts:
1. Each piece of the hologram actually contains the entire image.
2. The larger the film fragment, the clearer the image.
If you consider the idea that the universe is holographic, it
implies that each of us contains the entire universe within. It also
implies that we are all complete and whole, even though we often
feel like just a small part of what's going on. Furthermore, when we
join our complete image with someone else's, that combined image
becomes clearer and a truer reflection of the whole.
It's important to remember that you have a unique and complete
"whole" within you. We all spend far too much time searching
for the
answers "out there." The reality is you'll always find the
most
important answers and deepest truths when you look within to explore
the depths of your own being.
I encourage you to begin a simple practice of always asking yourself
for an inner answer before you seek guidance or advice elsewhere.
Just notice the answers you have for yourself before you go
searching for more "clarity" from others.
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3) Feature: A Thanksgiving Attitude for the Entire Year
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Thanksgiving just passed and we're entering that time of year filled
with holiday parties and family gatherings. Particularly this year,
as the focus turns to celebration, gift-giving and good cheer, I'm
increasingly aware of the day-to-day blessings that most of us take
for granted.
"Look closely and you will find that people are happy because
they
are grateful. The opposite of gratefulness is just taking everything
for granted."
-- David Steindl-Rast in The Music of Silence
One of my clients has been dealing with some very disruptive staff
problems. A couple of disgruntled employees created an interpersonal
battlefield in their department. Lines were drawn in the sand and
staff had chosen sides, while productivity and customer service were
both plummeting. Then came September 11th and I fully expected those
events would help that staff gain some much needed perspective. As
the rest of New York City showed a remarkable solidarity and a
dramatic shift to greater kindness and patience, these employees
continued their angry and bitter interactions.
Watching their ongoing conflict amazed and disturbed me for a number
of reasons: 1) they were unable to step back and see their issues in
a larger perspective; 2) they couldn't see the damage they were
doing to themselves as well as to others on their team; 3) even
something as catastrophic and world changing as 9/11 couldn't shake
them from their angry perspectives; and 4) they were ignoring the
enormous blessings they had in their lives and their work and
choosing instead to focus on inflicting damage and blame on each
other.
The interpersonal dynamics at this client highlight one of the key
differences I see between people who have an internal versus an
external focus when faced with problems. When the focus is primarily
external, blame is doled out like it was candy, and the response is
generally defensiveness and anger. Most of this angry staff is so
focused on what everyone else is doing that blame is their middle
name. Every problem is caused by someone else or by something that
they see as out of their control. Their problems are compounded by
their unwillingness to be self-reflective and look at the part they
play in the situation.
When you want to have a more internal, self-responsible, and self-
reflective focus, you ask yourself questions like:
· What is it about this problem that really bothers ME?
· What do I do that contributes to this problem?
· How can I change MY view, MY thinking, or MY actions to improve
things?
· If I can't find a way to change things, who else can I call
on to
help us?
The essential question is always, "What can I do to improve the
situation?" And the focus is always on self-examination and the
necessary action required to move things forward.
So what does all this have to do with nurturing a Thanksgiving
attitude through the entire year?
One of the surest ways to shift you from a "negative external"
to
"positive internal" focus is the practice of gratitude. And,
it's
simply a matter of noticing some of the great things that go on in
your life. Whenever you think it's hard to do that, you're
forgetting how simple gratitude really is. You're also choosing to
focus your attention on negativity and problems, instead of
intentionally noticing your blessings and allowing a feeling of
gratitude to wash over you.
"Joy is the simplest form of gratitude."
-- Karl Barth in Joy by Beverly Elaine Eanes
Gratitude requires a simple perspective shift. Instead of noticing
and paying attention to problems, you shift and notice something you
have to be thankful for. Events like September 11th help many of us
to immediately shift into this perspective. For those other times
when gratitude feels like a struggle, try some of the action tips in
the next section.
Will adopting an attitude of Thanksgiving immediately solve all your
problems? No. But it WILL put you in a much better position to see
possibilities and discover workable solutions. You'll also feel so
much better, that you might not even notice some of the "problems"
that seem to be bothering everyone else!
"Gratitude is the state of mind of thankfulness. As it is
cultivated, we experience an increase in our "sympathetic joy,"
our
happiness at another's happiness. Just as in the cultivation of
compassion, we may feel the pain of others, so we may begin to feel
their joy as well. And it doesn't stop there."
-- Stephen Levine in A Year to Live
Gratitude is ultimately an "inside job." It happens when
you notice
the blessings in your life. When you succeed at making gratitude a
regular habit, you can easily enjoy Thanksgiving all year long!
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4) Action Tips
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Here are some things you can do when you'd like to shift into a
Thanksgiving attitude:
1. Notice the little things. A sunny morning, a smile, good food,
clean water, a heated home. There are hundreds of things that are
good and beneficial in your life. Just notice them.
2. Don't take anything for granted. Your relationships, health,
home, job, friends, family, education, and many other things are all
enormous blessings that you often overlook. Just waking up in the
morning can be a deeply satisfying experience if you choose to look
at it from a perspective of gratitude.
3. Recognize privilege. Realize that many things you take for
granted are unimaginable luxuries to many on our planet. Most of us
have lived our entire lives with tremendous privilege, especially
here in the United States. We forget how many people go to sleep
hungry in the world. We forget that most of the global population
cannot read nor write. We just forget, and in doing so we miss the
opportunity to be grateful.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others. Keeping up with the Joneses is
passé. There will always be someone who has it better, bigger,
smarter and easier. Spend as much time as you need to figure out
what's truly important to you and focus your attention on those
things. If you do, you'll have a lot more success and a lot more to
feel grateful for.
5. Serve Others. Go help someone who's in need. Volunteer at a soup
kitchen. Visit elderly hospital patients. Plant a community garden.
Anything that allows you to serve others can help you make the
gratitude shift.
6. Start a Gratitude Journal. Schedule a regular time each week (or
each day) to write out some of the things you are grateful for.
Setting up a time to intentionally focus on, and record your
gratitude can do wonders for your attitude and spirit.
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5) Related Resources
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ONLINE:
Spirituality & Health Magazine's list of articles about Gratitude.
www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/lists/pthp_article_15.html
Books about Gratitude with reviews.
www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/lists/pthp_bookreview_15.html
An Online Gratitude Journal for you to use at Sarah Ban Breathnach's
website.
www.simpleabundance.com/gratitude.html
BOOKS:
Attitudes of Gratitude : How to Give and Receive Joy Everyday of
Your Life by M. J. Ryan In this inspiring book, author M.J. Ryan
shows readers how to nurture this attitude every day of their lives.
Short, easy-to-digest essays explain why gratitude chases away
negative emotions - and how gratitude is possible even in times of
pain and hardship.
A large list of additional books on gratitude can be found by
searching on the term "gratitude" at Amazon.com or any of
the other
online bookstores.
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THE INSIDE CONNECTION is a free monthly publication from Kesslin
Associates designed to help you stay focused on what's most
important for lasting success. Most of our readers are passionate
leaders who understand that they must BE the change they want to see
in the world.
Kesslin Associates is a success coaching and training company
dedicated to helping you become an extraordinarily effective leader.
We help you strengthen your inside connection to values, passion,
vision, and soul--so you can deliver extraordinary results with far
less effort. For lasting success, we also work with you to discover
how you, your work, and the rest of your life can support each
other, rather than cause conflict. For more information about our
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The Inside Connection
ISSN: #1535-1076 Library of Congress, Washington, DC
Copyright(c)2001 by Ken Kesslin - All rights reserved.
http://www.kesslin.com
mailto:insideconnection@kesslin.com
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