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THE INSIDE CONNECTION: Focusing on what's most important.
A free newsletter from Kesslin Associates Inc.
http://www.kesslin.com
mailto:insideconnection@kesslin.com
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ISSUE NO. 4 - FEBRUARY 2002
In this issue...
1) Welcome
2) Inside The Inside Connection
3) FEATURE: The Top 10 Ways We Sell Out
4) QUOTE: Our Greatest Fear
5) Action Steps
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the end of each issue.
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1) Welcome
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Thank you for joining us to explore The Inside Connection. We want
to encourage, challenge, and support you to explore your full
potential. We believe that success comes most directly when you
look inside yourself first, before seeking change from other people
or the things around you. If you enjoy our e-zine, please forward
it to colleagues, friends and family who might benefit.
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2) Inside The Inside Connection
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One of my core values is authenticity. For me that simply means
being true to myself and having the courage to share the truth of
who I am with others. Especially when I expect they won't approve.
As you can imagine, it's not always easy to do and I'm not always
successful.
Recently I've been discussing this issue with my own coach who
suggested that I spend time capturing the ways I know we all "sell
out" in our lives. These are the ways that we learn to hide our
truth, even from ourselves. This issue is the result of that
request and I hope it gives you food for thought, and then fuel for
action.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, suggestions or questions
about anything you read in The Inside Connection. Feel free to
write directly to me, Ken Kesslin, at: ken@kesslin.com.
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3) FEATURE: The Top 10 Ways We Sell Out
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1. Giving up our hopefulness and childlike wonder in order to
appear mature.
When was the last time you thoroughly enjoyed playing? What
happened to the hopes and dreams you had about life when you were a
child? Where did you hide your sense of wonder and awe at the
magnificence of life? Whatever you answer to these questions, if
wonder and hope and awe and delight are no longer part of your
life, go find them!
2. Trying to be like someone else, instead of being you.
Developmentally there's a healthy stage of adolescence when you
adopt the mannerisms, behaviors and norms of your peer group. You
remember that time, don't you? For many it was a painful and
awkward period of trying desperately to fit in. After that period,
you're supposed to move on to a lifelong journey of individuation--
a self-discovery of your unique qualities, talents and values. Most
people I know still have a few places in their lives where they
know they're trying to "fit in" with others, rather than honoring
their unique direction. What's so interesting to me is that most of
us are irresistibly attracted to people who decide to be different
and original. Wouldn't it be an amazing world if we all decided to
do that?
3. Lying and Self-Deception.
I don't know anyone who's ever taken a class called "How To Lie
and
Effectively Deceive Everyone--Even Yourself!" So how did we all
get so good at it? The antidote for this common sell out is a huge
dose of self-confidence, a recognition of the awesome power we each
have to effect change in the world, and an awareness of the beauty
and divinity of our authentic selves. Once you see the real truth
of who you are and what you are capable of accomplishing, lying
becomes a second-rate replacement for authenticity.
4. Ignoring our bodies.
The human body is one of the most incredible information and
feedback systems ever devised. Most of us completely ignore the
warning signs, both physical and emotional, we get from our
physical being. We regularly override that information with our
cognitive ability to rationalize, along with the many addictive
behaviors that distract us from our feelings, our intuition and our
physical health. Hey, if you mess up your body, where will you
live?
5. Looking for success "out there."
You will never enjoy any deep, lasting success in the physical
world without a corresponding inner sense of satisfaction and
success. Each of us knows people of seeming wealth and fame who are
personally miserable. What's the point of doing it that way? Deep
and lasting success is truly an inside job. If you're looking for
success and satisfaction "out there," remember what Gertrude
Stein
said: "There is no there, there."
6. Taking care of others without taking care of yourself.
I'm not suggesting that serving others, being generous and
goodhearted isn't wonderful--it is! But we sometimes think that by
giving to others, especially when there's a self-sacrifice, that
we're helping them, when we're not. I see too many people helping
from a sense of obligation (the "should" crowd), from a sense
of
barter (I'll help you and then I expect you'll help me), or from a
sense of low self-worth (your needs are more important than mine).
If we always considered our own well-being to be important, along
with our desire to help others, we'd be a lot further along at
really caring for each other.
7. Going for the money.
Money isn't good or bad, but people who are only out for financial
gain miss a tremendous amount of life's true riches. Money is
definitely a useful resource, but it's always a means to an end.not
an end in itself. When we forget our reasons for working, when we
forget the meaning, the pleasure and the joy we get from our work,
we really lose much more than money could ever buy.
8. Respecting fear more than your inherent power or your desire.
Marianne Williamson's quote about "Our Deepest Fear" captures
this
brilliantly. I've included a copy below. Any time we give fear more
power than our ability to effect change, I believe we deny the
reality of who we are and what we're capable of achieving. Why
would you ever want to do that?
9. Tolerating discomfort to avoid the risk of change.
Change can be scary and the unknown is, well...unknown. What most
people don't realize is the exorbitant cost of tolerating things.
Once you realize that every moment of your life involves risk and
change (whether you like it or not), making conscious, intentional
changes becomes easier. Tolerating what doesn't work is a
prescription for a life of compromise, resentment and
disappointment. Discomfort is usually a clear signal that you need
to change something. Use your discomfort as a guide to the changes
you need to make to have the life you really want.
10. Accepting "small talk" instead of taking opportunities
to have
deeper, more intimate conversations.
How often do you get to have real, life-changing, heart-to-heart
conversations? If your answer is "not often," you're missing
out on
a golden opportunity. I'm not just talking about having these kinds
of conversations with your therapist, your coach, or your spouse.
I'm talking about having important conversations whenever the
opportunity arises. Why would you ever talk about the weather when
you could touch someone's heart? Meaningful conversations can
replace BS with depth and important opportunities for personal
change and transformation.
THE ALTERNATIVE TO SELLING OUT is to make a powerful, personal
decision to fill your life with your authentic presence. Even
though this is not an easy decision to make consistently, when we
do make it and we don't sell out, there is a natural ease, grace
and power that we reclaim. As we begin the process of celebrating
our uniqueness and our authentic direction, we become far more
attractive, confident and effective in life. The struggle to
succeed then becomes secondary to the challenge of remaining true
to ourselves.
Ultimately, as we remain true to ourselves, success "discovers
us"
and we find ourselves enjoying life in a profound and deeply
satisfying way.
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4) QUOTE: Our Greatest Fear
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the
World.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other
people won't feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within
us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine; we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear; our presence
automatically liberates others.
--Marianne Williamson
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5) Action Steps
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--Set your watch or PDA to beep once an hour. Check in with
yourself to see if you are doing what you truly want to be doing.
If not, figure out why and check to be sure it's a good enough
reason for you to be denying your own desire.
--Pay close attention to your physical information system--your
body. Rather than putting up with pain or discomfort, use it as a
signal to take corrective action.
--If you don't have the kind of support network you need to
discover and live an authentic life, then seek the help/support of
a therapist, a coach, or counselor to assist you in making changes.
--Notice peak experiences in your work and life. See if you can
determine what you did differently to place yourself in that FLOW
experience. Peak experiences and flow are usually good indicators
of your authentic presence.
--Select a few people you know who exhibit traits of authenticity,
personal courage, and self determination and talk with them about
how they developed those traits. Believe me, very few of us come to
a place of authentic presence without some personal struggle.
--Start to listen to people using your whole body, rather than just
your ears. Use the magnificent intelligence of your body to give
you clues about your own reaction to what you hear. Listen to your
gut as well as your ears. Listen to your own sense of comfort when
you hear someone speak. Listen to what you're aware of as you walk
into a room. Stop denying the information you get, especially
what's not conveyed in the words you hear.
--If you're a business leader with an interest in learning more
about "Whole Body Listening" or any of the other issues/tips
in
this month's e-zine, let us know. We'll be holding a series of
teleclasses and live workshops on these topics in the near future
and will notify you of the content and schedule as soon as we've
set the dates.
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THE INSIDE CONNECTION is a free monthly publication from Kesslin
Associates designed to help you stay focused on what's most
important for lasting success. Most of our readers are passionate
leaders who understand that they must BE the change they want to
see in the world.
Kesslin Associates is a success coaching and training company
dedicated to helping you become an extraordinarily effective
leader. We help you strengthen your inside connection to values,
passion, vision, and soul--so you can deliver extraordinary results
with far less effort. For lasting success, we also work with you to
discover how you, your work, and the rest of your life can support
each other, rather than cause conflict. For more information about
our work, visit our website at http://www.kesslin.com
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The Inside Connection
ISSN: #1535-1076 Library of Congress, Washington, DC
Copyright c 2002 by Ken Kesslin - All rights reserved.
http://www.kesslin.com
mailto:insideconnection@kesslin.com
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